The gold coins rained from the sky as usual, while one hundred dollar bills grew by the millions on the nearby trees. I was sitting back on a couch made of solid gold, but not the rock-hard gold, the soft, leathery gold. The house, of course made of gold, reflected brilliantly the rays of the hot, golden sun, on to the exquisite Golden Dragon restaurant, while the children all read Goldilocks.
And thats when it hit me; and by it, I mean today's paper. There I was, lying on the hard park bench, squinting out into the dark world, the degrading laughter of a 13 year old squirt fading in the distance.
"Lousy paper boy!" I shouted as I rubbed my forehead, where the newspaper had ever so roughly ended my slumber.
When my anger had faded, I noticed that it was quite chilly outside. The thought crossed my mind to hunt down that 13 year old sunuvabitch and steal his clothes, leaving him completely humiliated and me with extra layers for the incoming winter. However, that was out of the question, for he was already three blocks away--practically out of the city and onto his next residential neighborhood. The little I had to eat the day before wouldn't provide near enough energy to catch up.
Yet before I got to scavenging, I had to deal with priority number one. I walked over to a nearby tree, and not even bothering to look around, I relieved myself. It was early, who was up at this hour? The sun had not even crested the horizon. Besides, I'm not the first hobo to pee on a tree. What do I have to worry about?
As I finished up, I looked over at the nearby restaurants across the street. My stomach rumbled loudly at the thought of the taste of a real breakfast for once. I'm sure if I had the choice of any breakfast, I would most certainly pick pancakes. Yes! Pancakes! Oh, oh, with blueberries on them! It would be well worth it just to break into a pay phone and make this dream come true! Wait a minute... thats a great idea! Before dawn, I'm going to pry open one of those phones in the subway and buy me some delicious blue berry pancakes!
I turned away from the park and after a few minutes of walking, I had reached the entrance to the subway station. I descended the stairs quietly, examining my surroundings for any witnesses that could thwart my plan. Empty--the coast was clear.
I walked up to the pay phone nervously, baffled at what I was supposed to do next. There was the lock, but how was I going to get to the money? I remember seeing something in the movies once where a guy picked a lock with a paper clip, I guess it's worth a shot.
So there I was, on hands and knees in the dimly lit subway, crawling around in hopes of finding a paper clip... somewhere. I looked further down the hall, on a bench, under the bench, and whalah! There was a crooked paper clip lying in the dust.
I picked it up excitedly and ran, almost tripping, back to the pay phone. I bent the paper clip just enough that it could fit in the keyhole--the only thing in the way of my blueberry pancake fantasy. I wiggled the paper clip around and twisted my wrist, like a true amateur. I failed at the attempt quite miserably.
I hopelessly looked around for something to bash the pay phone with, yet, nothing reasonable could be found. I exited the subway cold, hungry, and demoralized.
"As much as I hate to publicly degrade myself," I addressed the empty air, "I guess I have no choice but to beg for my breakfast once again."
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